This week has been a tough one. I have not wanted to move one item in the house yet, I wanted to be anywhere else except at home. It seemed that if the pile of laundry on the bathroom floor should be picked up and be done, but if I did so I’d erase any trace of Theo that was left on the garments, which he so dearly loved and kneaded with his tiny, razor-sharp claws (whether he was invited or not..lol). On that Monday,Rocco was teary eyed and Shak slipped into our bedroom to snuggle against us while we both dealt with this melancholy.
I slipped into my Why-even-bother mode wanting to deny myself everything I enjoy because it made me feel as if I enjoyed life, I was somehow forgetting Theo, which would not be possible because he possessed the joie de vivre in everything that surrounded him from the wads of paper he'd bat with his paws to my long hair which looked enticing to him when it swayed. And Tuesday morning, I had made my mind on not attending class and never ever touching my sewing machine again. But, on Tuesday, I found myself bawling because the thought of going to an empty house at the end of the school day was too difficult to fathom. So, I found myself rushing into the house, throwing on some clothes and leaving the house in record time just so that I wouldn’t see anything that would make me become more maudlin. I turned off the radio for the majority of the road trip, prayed that I’d have a sign that Theo was somehow happier and at peace, and when I later turned the radio on, the following song came on.
Sarah McLachlin's masterpiece "I Will Remember You":
And I attended belly dance class after dropping off to see Leigh at the office. In the late evening, Leigh and I met for dinner. Then on the way home, this song played on the Delilah Show as I drove with tears rolling down my cheeks. Another song by Sarah McLachlan called "In The Arms of an Angel":
Wednesday was a day of work, after school tutoring, a surprise faculty meeting, and a trip to the grocery store. When I got home, the tv blared loudly while both Shak and Rocco were outdoors. I made chicken pot pie for our dinner. The time I used in cooking left me only a few minutes to grade papers and watch “Stylista”, which was the only night I watched television.
Thursday afternoon I went to the doctor’s office because I had a bad cough/cold/flu, and I needed meds.
